1 September
I have been reading porn books one after another. First I read the series of play boys. In these books I got a lot of sensuous stories. These are the very cheap books. In field of sex material I am in search of something different. I have bought a book ”Tantrik sex.” It is an interesting book, revealing secret of sex according to Indian mythology. It talks about seven charkas in human body, and for each charka, a particular mantra has been given. It is a sex methodology, all the leftist followers of Lord Siva believe in this methodology. According to the philosophy of this particular branch of knowledge each man is a god and each woman is a goddess. Both respect each-other as a god and a goddess. The ultimate aim of this branch of knowledge is to get supreme pleasure. It has some interesting rituals. All the rituals take seven nights. Man worships woman and woman worships man in a very systematic and scientific way. At first they communicate each other with words, then they touch each-other bodies gently and find out the most sensuous spot of the bodies. They sit before them and closes their eyes and recites mantras. They do not do sex but just understand each-other mentally and physically. This process goes on seven day. What a beautiful idea it is! A man is a god and a woman is goddess!! I am highly fascinated with the idea! I want to worship a woman in this way. Having read a lot of play boys books, I am aware with the words of organism and G-spot. But I am sure the concept of tantrik sex is far ahead. It respects the body as well as soul. I am going to give this book to the Muslim girl. In India, all the married and unmarried women worship ”the Shiva Linga” (The penis of Lord Shiva).Tantra is related with Lord Shiva. India has a lot of thing to teach to the civilized World.
2 September
When the director of the English institute asked me to join a marriage ceremony of his friend’s sister in a remote village, I gave my consent quickly. We planned to go there by Bullet motorcycle, Gajraj. A new adventurous journey was waiting for us. We had to cover nearly two hundred miles. The sun was setting when we left the city. We had ten bottles of bears. About twelve o’ clock in the night, we lost our ways. One villager told us to take a dry road but he warned against the dust. The young director was so confident of his Bullet that he did not care his warning. I had also drunk too much, so gave my consent for this road. When the bullet entered into the dusty road, we were surprised to see that half the wheels of the bike were under the dry dust. For a little while both of us thought to come back. But somewhere we felt an adventurous journey was waiting ahead. The director was a very strong man like his bullet. The deep darkness had spread all around the earth. Under the front light of Bullet we could see only the never ending dusty road. The bullet was running ahead and it seemed that a dusty storm had covered us. We covered nearly ten miles. When we reached at the marriage ceremony we were looking like dust ghosts. We had a hearty bath at a well. Some of villagers arranged for us Tari (an intoxicated Indian drink comes from palm trees). We drank too much and enjoyed a lot. Early in the morning we left the place, but this time did not choose the dusty road.
3 September
A hot discussion is going around about Taliban. As a worrier, life of Mullah Omer is attractive but his philosophy is very conservative. The era of barbarism has gone off, the world is not ready to tolerate the destruction of Lord Budha’s statutes. They want to make the world hell. Taliban must be stopped.
4 September
One of my friend warned me against the Muslim girl. He told me, ”His father is a magistrate. So keep yourself away from the girl. And besides it one of his brother has a criminal back ground.” But today I met the Muslim girl and she asked me, what is automated Insulated Sndwich Panel?”
”First let us discuss about the organism and the G-spot, then I will tell you about automated Insulated Sndwich Panel, ” I said emphatically.
”You know, I love America and Americans very much. I have read a lot of books about American’s sexual life. In Islam, women are not allowed to discuss these things. I think you can understand me, because I see you always reading books. Now do not humiliate me, I want to have friendship with you. I would like to eat mangoes with you. Now tell me about automated Insulated Sndwich Panel.”
” It is an thermal element used in building to keep environment cool. Yesterday I was just reading a project, and these words were used in that project.”
”You are clever and lovable.”
”Do not bother about organism, if you want to understand the sex you must read this book,” I gave her the book ”Tantrik sex.”
”What about the mangoes? ” She asked.
We went to a mango garden named Dhiga. We sat under a tree and asked one of the gardeners to break some testy mangoes. While she was eating mangoes, I was looking into her yes. I mumbled ,”Eve ! why did you gave the apple to Adam. You should not have done this.
She said, ”I always eats mangos from my refrigerator, but these are most testy mangoes I ever eat.”
”You know, these are coming direct from the tree. I love nature, and natural work.”
”I want to go to America. One day I will go there. I want a free life.”
I spent a beautiful day with her. I feel I am in love with her.
5 September
I have covered my flute with a sticker.” I love you Indian’ has been written over the sticker. I play it every night. I have taken a music lesson from a teacher and practicing seven sounds of music—Sa re ga ma. I think I am doing well. All the natives have said me that I am doing good job. I am a happy man with music and books. The Muslim girl always appears before my eyes, I am dreaming about her. Sometimes I see her in my Omen, sometimes I go move with her all around the world, Tokyo, Hong Kong, London, Masco etc. Life is wonderful!
6 September
Today the lady Chaterly’s lover came to me. He said that she was demanding his notes regarding all the famous literary women characters. I assured him for the notes. I was preparing a note regarding Lady Chaterly.I emphasized over psycho-analyses of her character. But I realized it was not enough. I tried my level best to write a new story. It was a story of woman who was in search of love and came in contact with many men. It was a journey of young woman. I specially used all the porn-words in this story and gave it to the young boy and said, ”You just give it to her and wait. I am sure she is going to love you.” For last some days I had been thinking to love a married woman. And now I am in position to do experiment. What is morality? Morals are man-made, while nature has its own rules. I wanted to jump deep into a married woman heart and it was an opportunity to me. I had tried my best to come in contact with the round face girl’s mother. Perhaps she had understood my intention, and whenever she talked to me she would say, ”Son! You have too much energy. Do not spend it in nonsense work. You have to do a great work.” Now I was ready to touch the heart of Lady Chaterly through my story indirectly. In fact I am working systematically.
7 September
I have received a letter from the Muslim girl. The content of the letter is this :
Dear xyz
I have realized that you have ability to understand me. I have never come in contact with any man. Like you I have been just reading books for a long time. I know theoretically I understand all the dimensions of a relationship between a man and a woman. Promise me, you will not humiliate me. I feel strongly that I am in love with you. I always think about you. I have read ”the Tantrik sex.” It is a wonderful book. Is it possible for a man to feel a woman like a goddess and for a woman to feel a man like god? I belong to an orthodox family. Here you can not talk about the relationship between a man and woman. But what can I do if I have a lot of curiosity regarding this relationship? I want to talk to you a lot about it. But you promise me, you will not hurt me. I am sure you are an understanding person. I love to eat mangoes with you. Just lead me in your world.
truly yours
abc
I wrote a letter for her. The content of the letter is this :
Dear abc
I, too, always think about you. I have read your words again and again and very much impressed with your honesty. How can a man lead to a goddess? What is sin? Let us define it together. I am very much fortunate that you love me. But still the love is not clear to me. I have attracted to a lot of women and like you I am also trying to understand the relationship between a man and a woman. If you feel better, and have confidence, I would like to act according to ”the tantrik sex.” I will surrender myself completely before you and worship you. But at the same time I feel you are a Muslim girl and your religion does not allow you for such type of practices. So first we have to think about sin. I always believe in experiment and I think a man of experiment is not bound with anything. I am highly fascinated with the concept of goddess in a woman. Let me read more books regarding this topic. But your words-” books will ruin you” always move in my mind. I regard woman from the bottom of my heart, but at the same time experiment attracts me a lot. Think about the sin seriously. What is sin? After that we will talk.
I am going to deliver this letter.
8 September
I have been reading about all the Indian Goddess and I am highly surprised that they have been regarded most. Goddess in human forms are unique concepts in Indian mythology. They are worshiped as woman power. Shakespeare has depicted witches, he has not touched the zenith regarding woman. I want to understand woman, I want to feel Goddess in her. I want to understand her ego, libido and above all her soul. But not according to the definition of organism and G-spot. I want to understand all these things according to my own ways. Even I do not believe in the theory of Tantric Sex without experiments. What can I do if my mind is not ready to follow any methodology without self realization. O woman! Come to me and tell me what do you think about sin? I do not believe in already defined sin according to the different religious books. I want you with your libido so that I can see and feel you in reality. O woman ! As a man I promise you, I will respect you, I will regard you and if you allow me I will worship you. I just want you with your libido.
Note : I am constantly struggle hard to read out more and more pages of the diary. Wait for more.
