19 March
Today I met one of my old professors. He was a socialist leader but now he has changed his religion. He has accepted Budhism. All his dress has changed… He looked like a monk, a devil monk. Earlier he would abuse the whole Hindu system and its Gods and Godesses, and even today he was abusing them much confidently. Before accepting Budhism he was a proclaimed Marxist, and was very much hopeful for an upcoming revolution. Earlier somewhere I was highly fascinated by him, but now I can say he is a fool, He neither understands Hindusim, nor Marxism and nor even Budhism.I told him to do some constructive works and he started abusing me. He was planning to go to China. I wish he must be shoot there, he is an alive hell ! Always talk about destruction.
20 March
Today two young British men came at our English Institute. They were invited by me. During conversation one of them commented that Mr. Mohan Das Karamchand Gandhi was the helper of British. It was his natural comment, and I realized that he was telling truth. Letter I went through his ‘My Experiment with Truth’. This book has been written by a very simple mind. In this book he has accepted very honestly about the events and experience of his life. Mr. Gandhi is great due to his simplicity. His death attracted me. He was killed by a so called fanatic named Nathuram Godse. I tried my level best to understand the mind of Nathuram Godse. I got a book ”Gandhi Wadh kyon? (Gandhi killing why?) by Gopal Nath Godse. According to this book, Gandhi was killed due to Political reasons. The death of Mr. Gandhi is more glorious than his deeds. All his political movement was not successful. Once I said this before an old Gandhian and he was very much furious with me. Even he was ready to hit me, then I told him that you were going against philosophy of non-violence. Anyhow he controlled himself. I always enjoy irritating people.
23 March
The electric girl gave me a message. She wanted to meet me. I was pleased to listen it. Today we went into a zoo and talked a lot. She told me that she was a painter and had interest in music. Her eyes are big and beautiful. But she is a clever girl who has a lot of boy-friends. She told me a lot of stories of her boy-friends. I feel a strong desire to kiss her lips but anyhow I controlled myself. I asked her to make a portrait of Adolf Hitler, and she gave me assurance. I am going to provide her the cover page of Mein Kamph. Let me see her work. I always feel a strong passion towards painting. I invited her to my Omen, and she promised me to come. I am waiting for that day. Meanwhile, I have a soft corner for that black girl and her sister too. When the director told me that the black girl was engaged with someone, a cloud of sorrow covered my mind and heart. I was very much frustrated and director provided me wine to sink. I drank too much, but my sorrow was more powerful than the intoxication of wine. Now I am thinking about her younger sister and the painter girl. The would be civil servant is now frustrating me. Again and again he is talking about committing suicide. I bought some poison from a snake holder and gave him and told, ”use it, your problem will be solved.” He was surprised to listen me.When Mr. Gandhi did not dare to commit suicide after taking a firm decision in his early age, how could he do? Killing a man is more easy than suicide. Suicide needs more and more courage, better to say extreme courage.
25 March
The painter girl has gave me ”Godan” written by Premchand. I like the character of Miss Malati. I love her, I love her. She is a beautiful and a brilliant woman. She loves Dr Mehata who is a philosopher. I love Premchand’s firsts story ”Duniya ka sabase Anmol Ratan.” He is an idealistic writer. When I turned the pages of Godan I got one letter and three poetries written by the painter girl. She is asking for my first story that had been sent to her earlier but she had refused to accept it. I do not know where the story is now. I have to search and I will search it for her.
27 March
The blond girl is still angry with me. I know her all secrets through the director. She is very much possessive to the director and he enjoys her possession. A new student has also knocked the door of his heart, and at the same time he is in love with her. The blond girl knows it and she is complaining against it. Sometimes he has some difficult situation regarding them but he manages very well, and says to manage more than one girl is an art. He is very proud of his art. Somewhere the blond girl is thinking to marry with him. He, too, wants same thing but he is afraid of his orthodox father who will never allow him to marry with her. He asks me what to do, and I do not know what to say.
30 March
Life is easy with wine and books. Still I have not decided about my future. One thing is very clear to me that I have ability to write. I can see those things that people miss easily. Let me enjoy my life with wine and books. I have decorated my hut according to my choice. There are one table and one chair, made of woods, in the hut. The table is full of different kind of books. There is also a bed in the hut. I have made a small window in the hut. An open and big ground can be seen through the window. I love this ground. At the corner of the ground there is a wireless office; it controls the air-traffic, two kilometer away there is an airport, the main airport of the city. This wireless office is connected with the airport. In the morning one can see, through my small window, those people who are busy in morning walk and the boys who play cricket and football. The first ray of the sun enters into my hut through this window. No one can imagine how much I love my hut.
1 April
I have just finished ”My university” by Maxim Gorky and going through ”My apprenticeship”. ”My childhood ” is, too, waiting for me. I love his words most, specially the world and characters he depicts. He is the real representative of the proletariat of Russian Society. I have never seen such types of writing. His life intoxicates me. He is a real genius. Let me read him. He is great ! I have decided that one day I will represent my own world through my writings, I am going to be a writer, and nothing else. I have to create magic through my words, for it I will work hard. I have to create my own style, that will not match with any other style. But first I have to understand styles of other great writers. I don’t want to follow them, I just want to understand them, so that I can create my won unique style. Let me start from Maxim Gorky. I will re-write his books, all the books. I will start with ”My University.”
April 5.
I am working very systematically with ”My University.” Without changing any words of a sentence, I am transforming the sentence from simple to compound, from compound to complex and from complex to mixed, and vice versa. It is an interesting and mechanical work. With each day I am improving my expertise, I think very soon I will be in position to play with sentences. ”My University” is a translated work, From Russian to English, so it allow me to work with it pleasantly. As well, I am thinking to do the same work with the editorial of any standard newspaper, it will give my writing a finishing touch regarding contemporary English.
April 7.
The painter girl has created a wonder regarding the portrait of Adolf Hitler. She has done a great job. She has made two portraits of Hitler, she has given one to me and has remained one for herself. But she has done a silly mistake, she has not made the Swastika mark perfectly. And I hate it. She has given me her five new poetry. I enjoy her silly poetries, these are full of love and emotion, although these are constructed not according to the grammar of poetry. Her lips are red, I always feel a strong desire to kiss them. I will take an attempt, no matter what will be the consequence. Will she oppose me? I do not understand a girl’s psychology, but I have to understand it. Next time, I am going to kiss her lips. Wow ! The kissing idea is exciting me.
April 9.
Adolf Hitler has written more than five hundred poetries for his first love, although he did not give her a single poetry.
11 April
I have changed the ribbon of my typewriter, but still it is not working well. T, D, E, S letters are completely vanished. Its green color has completely changed. I am trying hard to improve my speed. I have an bookshelf in my hut, its glass is broken. Rats move in it freely, I provide them bread so that they cannot harm my books. I do not want to kill them, I am always against killing any creature. All creature are gift of nature. I love nature and its law too much. I have hung the portrait of Hitler in my Omen. Whenever I see it I feel the girl. I am determined to kiss her…I am just waiting for her.
13 April
Horrible!Horrible !! Horrible !!! The smell of her mouth was horrible! When I kissed her, I feel the bad smell of her breath. I was just to vomit. Then and there I drank two glasses of water. She was afraid to see my reaction and asked, ”What happened?”. I say simply say, ”the smell of your mouth is not good. Next time when you come here, wash your mouth properly.” A polite suggestion to beautiful women: must wash her teeth and mouth properly.
To me first kissing experience is not pleasant.
Note : I am constantly struggle hard to read out more and more pages of the diary. Wait for more.
