(Dedicated to a painter who inspired me to flow with my pen continously )
18 January
It was a cold evening, and I was in need to smoke. I just came outside of my hut and went to roadside. Buying three navy-cuts and a match box I was walking on the road, I love roads very much, especially the open and endless road. I went ahead and ahead smoking and watching the people. All of sudden I saw a board of an English speaking course. I felt strong desire to teach English. I entered into the institutes and met the young director and asked him to allow me to take a class. He was surprised but understood my mind and permitted me to enter into the class. I started from the history of English, and explained before them how French literature is more interesting and superior than English literature. I tried my level best to prove that if Nepolian Bonapart had won England, today we would have learnt French not English. Masses always follows the rulers and this is the universal truth.All the student were surprised to listen me, and I enjoyed it. I have been offered to take the class regularly by the young director. I love it so I d do it.
22 January
She is a blond, beautiful and tall girl, but does not attract me. Although she has enmity with me, I am trying my level best to find out the reason. The director has allowed me to use his luxurious room. one can get her all sorts of comforts. I am found of the big table in the room. I sit here and write continuously, specially about those characters who are revolving around me. One of them is a black girl, I love black beauty. She is my student. She always sits on the first bench. I enjoy her eyes full of life, and funny nature.
23 January.
Today is Sunday. The director asks me to come with him. He has a bullet motorcycle and runs it like a plane. I love to sit behind him. He wanted to buy some books so we went into a famous book shop of the city. He bought some grammar books, and I chose Mein Kamph and The Rise and Fall of The Third Reich. Then We drank four bottles bear together.I always love drinking and smoking, I do not like any argument against it. Let me enjoy Mein Kamph. Good night.
2 February
What a character Adolf Hitler is ! Marvelous ! Excellent !! Genius !!! Not as Leader or dictator, but as an artist. He had only one dream to be an painter and nothing else. For his life dream he stood against his father will who wanted to make him a civil servant. I am sinking deep with words of Mein Kamph.The blong beautiful girl is engaged the young director.She is his student.She does not like me because she always sees me with the director of the institute. She has asked him to kick me off, but he likes me so he tells me everything. I have told him about the black girl and he is laughing. He wants to help me in this regard. Let me see what kinds of help he provides. The students are fine. I am using a book Living English Structure. They are enjoying its exercise works. I mostly believe in home work. So I compel them to do more and more home works. In class room I only like delivering speech.
6 February.
The director has a dog named Tyson. It is horrible but very friendly with the young director. Tyson helps him in many ways. He orders him to sit in front of the door when the tall beautiful girl spends her time inside the room. Seeing Tyson no one dare to come at the door. But Tyson does not disturb me. I can knock the door anytime, and certainly she does not like it. But I do not care about her likeness. I just go according to my own way. It frustrates her and I enjoy her frustration. I am reading Mein kamph with the bottles of bear in my hand. Adolf has spent countless day and night without food during his struggle and I am enjoying his struggle with the gulp of bear, is not interesting? The black wants to become a doctor and she has all ready taken two attempts, needless to say unsuccessful attempts.
8 February
I love my hut. I have named it OMEN. I have a typewriter, an old typewriter. I have started typing. For typing I use newspapers editorial. The typewriter is a hell, all its fonts not working properly. It was being used by a Socialist Trade Union Leader. I came to know it latter.
12 February
There is railway track near my hut. I often go there, specially in night. I pick up two stones and strike them against each-other. I love the sparks that comes out after striking them. Its attracts me like a naked girl. Then I smell the stones again and again. it seems like gunpowder. I am highly fascinated with this smell. I always continues with this works whole nights. The black girl shows her interest in literature, but I don’t think she is a literary girl. She seems to me blockhead with chirping nature.
14 February
It is interesting to play cricket, Football is more interesting than the cricket.Today we have won a match and I have been proclaimed Man of the match. I threw good balls and took five wickets. Really it was an interesting match.
17 February
The political climate has become hot. Leaders from all parties are knocking doors. Today a leader from a particular party has come to me for help. He wanted to do a public meeting in this locality. I was arranging all the thing in a big ground. The stage had been made, the posters and banners had been hung but for mike we had no electricity facility. I asked one of the boy to consult the particular house besides the ground. Very soon he came back and informed that a girl is not agree to give electricity. I was very angry and went to the house and knocked the door. A beautiful girl opened the door. I asked her bluntly, ”Why are you not giving line?”
She said, ”I have no objection.” I was completely knock down. Latter, when I went to the stage, I started speaking fluently, looking towards the girl. She used to give me pleasant smile and I completely forgot the public. I was addressing only and only her. When the meeting was dissolved, and met her and told her boldly, I love you. Her answer was, It will be decided by my father. It is a historical day in life.
25 February
I am drinking too much, and reading nothing. But I have been trying my level best to write a story about the girl. And I have completed it. At the same time, I am thinking about the black girl. Is it against morality? If yes go to hell! I do not care about morality. I know simple thing as youth I can love more than one girl.
27 February
I have finished Mein Kamph and looking more about Adolf. Today I went to the City library for Kubijek and fortunately found out ‘ Young Hitler’ by Kubijek. He was his roommate in Munich when Hitler was young and struggling for the admission in art college. According Kubijek Hitler would love a young blond girl. It was one sided love. But he was confident that she too loved him, though he had never explained his love before her…It means would be dictator was not so courageous in love filed…I am more courageous than him, at least I have told the beautiful girl, I love you. I have to send my story to her, but how , I don’t know.
3 March
The director has told me a lot of secret about a woman’s body. I am surprised to listen him. I want to go through a girl.
5 March
I am reading Discovery of India by Neharu. What a mind he has! He has explored Indian very well in this book. A Neharu’s Indian is emerging before my mind. But I don’t like his international action. When he was coming from Switzerland to Indian by ship with his wife and only one daughter, he halt one day in Rome. At that time Mussolini was Italy. He asked Neharu to meet him but he refused because he did not want to send a negative message to the world. He was a democratic leader and did not want meet a Fascist leader. If were Nehru I would meet Mussolini.
9 March
Perhaps I have gone mad…Today I meet the black’s younger. she has just entered into college. She is found of literature. She was demanding some goods and I gave her ”The Mother” by Maxim Gorky. She gave me Sekhar Ek Jiwani. It is wonderful book…I flow with Sekhar’s life…What a character he is! I love the younger one for this good book…In fact I love her most. Besides it I sent my story to the electric girl, and she has returned it without reading…Go to hell ! Why a girl rejects a boy I don’t understand. I have to change my mind.
10 March
Today a young man came to meet me. He is preparing for the Civil Service. He asked me to help him. He said that he was unable to concentrate over the subject. He asked me to come with his room. I went there. What the hell story he had.! He had engaged with her aunt daughter, both sexually and emotionally and had taken two attempts for committing suicide. He wanted my moral support. I promised him to help him. But he is a hell!
16 March
Whenever I sit to write my diary I feel that I am doing great thing. For last one week I am regular visiting the sister lover. He has a lot of books, specially over Indian history. One after I am finishing them, I have read ‘India That Was Wonder’ by L.M Basham. It is a good book, depicting the fundamental ideas of India, specially its great and mysterious culture. One wants to understand India must go through this books. Besides its I have read a lot of Ancient India. I like Chadragupta very much. English classes and bear are continue. For it thanks to young director.Wine is the most beautiful thing created by man. After consuming it a fundamental man emerges, a poet starts poetry, a philosopher thinks high, a scientist creates new invention and a criminal thinks about crime…if you want to understand a person, read him after consuming licker. I love wine..I love wine… I love wine…
17 March
I have just finished an essay written by Lord Curzan when he was a young student of class 10. In his essay he writes, I want to go to India as an officer, so that I can do my best there. As young aspiring student he was thinking about Indian. Wow! Really he was a man of strong will. I love him. As well I love Aurangjeb, He has not been evaluated very well by the historians. …In future I will try to evaluate him. He was a lover of music but he did not allow music in his won kingdom.
18 March
What is ambition? Why Andrei Bolokonski wants to go to war field against Nepolian Bonapart who is his hero? What is death? Is there anything important than life? What is life? What the hell I am thinking? But the old Russian writer has not done justice with The little corporal, after all he was not from the royal bold. Is there any difference between blood of royal and blood of peasant ? Blood ! Blood !! Blood !!! It is red and hot, and the country that loves blood always go ahead, at least the history of civilization say so. What Nitezche says, War is not the means but end. The whole Germany arose with this philosophy, and the world saw two world wars…..Blood ! Blood !! Blood !!! I have to understand the philosophy of blood? The pure blood and the impure blood.
Note : Wait for the next pages……of this diary It is an old diary, so too difficult to read. Anyhow I have managed to read out some texts.
आलोक जी,
यह डायरी आपकी तो नहीं।
वैसे बार-बार मद्यवादी (हंसिए) विचारधारा का प्रचार हो रहा है इस डायरी से।